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Forget all that, I'm in a hurry, tell me exactly what to do:

RSVP expected, no card provided

Formal invitation, blank RSVP

Informal invitation, blank RSVP

Pre-printed RSVP

Menu Preference

Today it's practically the rule that a wedding invitation will arrive with a response card enclosed -- that little envelope already postage-stamped and addressed to the bride (or bride's mother or bride and groom, whoever is the official host), with a card to indicate whether you are attending.

Or maybe the invitation didn't arrive with a response card, but you get the vague feeling there is something you are supposed to do....

Here's a tutorial on how to properly RSVP to a wedding or formal event!

Here are some sample verbiages to steal to fill out your blank RSVP card.

FORMAL INVITATION, BLANK CARD

Two members of a couple invited, both accepting	Mr. and Mrs. Greg Robinson will attend the wedding of Miss Jane Smith.
Two members of a couple invited, one accepting	Mrs. Greg Robinson will attend. Mr. Robinson regrets that he must decline.
One person invited with a guest, both attending	Ms. Diana Spencer and her guest Mr. Elton John will attend the wedding of Miss Jane Smith. (Notice how Diana was invited with a guest, and she kindly provided the name of that guest to the hosts? This allows them to include him properly in a seating chart. "But, but, I haven't always decided on my date by the time the RSVP is due." No. Weddings are not a free ride by which to entertain the hott that you met just last week at Sushi Samba. If you don't know who your date is by the RSVP date, don't bring one. And, if you can't function at a wedding without a date, don't go.)
One person invited (guest or not), not attending	Mr. Robert Keen regrets that he cannot attend.

INFORMAL INVITATION, BLANK CARD

What matters here is insuring that your language informs the hostess as to exactly who will or won't be attending. With the formal language, there can't be a doubt -- but a "Can't wait! Love, Us!" is going to cause problems. Also, always include your last name. You aren't the only "Mike" the couple knows, and if you RSVP that way, you aren't helping matters.

Two members of a couple invited, both accepting	We'll be there, thanks for having us! Sherry & John Parker
Two members of a couple invited, one accepting	John is so sad he has to miss this, but I'll see you on the 12th! Sherry Parker
One person invited with a guest, both attending	I can't wait! I'm bringing Jessica Sampson. Love, Bob Lachey
One person invited (guest or not), not attending	Sorry I can't be there, thanks for thinking of me - Dave Coulier

When an Invitation Requests an RSVP, But No Response Card is Provided...

With informal events, RSVP should be via email or phone. The invitation will usually note the preferred contact to use, and your response is as simple as "We'll be there, can't wait!"

A formal invitation requires a formal, written response. Don't be miffed that the cheapskates didn't spring for the extra mailer and postage; this is actually the more traditional way to invite someone to an event. You will need to use your own stationery, and then follow this chart for different language you can use.

Don't have your own stationery? It's high time. Even Target carries simple notecards that would suffice, for under $10 a pack. You just need a small bi-fold card with a matching envelope, and preferably with no design or printing, save a monogram.

If you know you are never going to get around to buying stationery and RSVPing to the event, please just call or email the host/hostess. Some RSVP is better than no RSVP.

FORMAL INVITATION, PRE-PRINTED CARD

(The rules for completing a casual RSVP card are simple: follow the exact rules for a formal RSVP card (below), but you can leave off your titles if you like.) A formal RSVP card is usually plain white or ecru with black printing or engraving. There will be a space to fill in your name and whether you are attending. It will look something like this: M__________________________________ will ________ attend Please reply by January 12, 2005 To respond with this sort of card, you should complete your social title behind the M (so that it reads Mr., Miss, Mrs., etc. For a couple, you can put "M/M" and it is understood.), and then fill in your full name. On the second line, if you are accepting, leave the space after "will" blank. If you are declining, write the word "not" in the space. With a card like this, if one of the invited persons in your party is declining but others are attending (for example, the husband is out of town so the wife is attending alone), use the M-line for the person who will attend, and then underneath the printing, you can simply write "Mr. Wilson regretfully declines." Sometimes you will see a card with space to specifically indicate how many are attending. It might look something like this: M__________________________________ _______ will attend _______ will not attend The first line is completed as usual, but then you would also put a numeral in front of the appropriate line for accepting or declining. A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ON BEHALF OF ALL BRIDES AND HOSTESSES EVERYWHERE: Do not accept for more people than were invited. Just don't. Don't think, "Oh, but the bride won't mind," or "oh, Granny won't eat much anyway," or "They'll never notice." She will, it doesn't matter, and they do. Whoever was specifically invited in writing on the invitation or envelope are the only people that have been invited. If you are single and the bride doesn't specifically put "and guest," then YOU WERE NOT INVITED WITH A GUEST. There is no law that anyone who ever gets married is obligated to fete their single friends' pals as well. If you have three children and only one of them was invited, the other two were not "accidentally overlooked." If you have three children and none of them were invited, it means that the bride and groom would like for you to attend without your children. No matter how adorable they are, how well-behaved, how cute they look doing the Chicken Dance -- if they were not named on the invitation, they are simply not invited, and you do not get to pretend that doesn't exist by writing additional people in on the invitation. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE. (now, there are some very particular exceptions to when you may call the bride and possibly get some extra people invited... but you DO NOT JUST ADD THEM TO THE RSVP.)

WHEN MENU PREFERENCE IS REQUESTED

Sometimes if the event is to be a seated dinner, the hosts will request your menu selection in advance so that they can give an accurate headcount to the caterer. That part of the response card might look something like this: ______ roast chicken ______ salmon meuniere Or, something like this: ______ fish _______ beef _______ chicken You could just make a check mark, but make your host's life easy: write a numeral in the appropriate space. If there are two or more attending, be sure you indicate enough preferences. If you just put an X in front of "beef", the hosts will assume that both of you want the beef. Do not: Scribble comments about the menu choices, even in jest. "Where's the beef, ha ha ha" = not actually funny. Request something that is not on the card -- even if you keep kosher and the choices are pork or oysters... even if you have a terrible gluten allergy... even if you are doing South Beach Diet... even if you are vegan. Your options are strictly what is on the card. Leave the card blank. If you know that you will not be eating at the event, for whatever reason, just mark the vegetarian option or the chicken option (presumably the least expensive) and let it go. You can put your napkin on your lap and socialize with your dinner companions and not make a scene about the food. (and if you can't manage that, you should stay home)